Monday, October 29, 2012

Where's the Love?

It's amazing how much time changes us, isn't it? I know that I am still young and that I still have such a long way to go, but I can already feel the change of it all. 

There's not really a point in your life where someone instructs exactly how to carry out the rest of your life. It's like your entire life you're raised in this safe haven; there's this immense sense of protection. All of the sudden, someone pushes you out of the nest. Now what?

Everything is turned upside down. People are trusting me with these... emotions.. These secrets and truths that I feel nowhere near old enough, let alone strong enough to carry. It is simply not a matter of maturity, but rather a concept I never prepared my mind to accept. I guess it escaped my childish eyes, passed me by. I didn't know how much hate there was. I didn't know that people hated to love, and loved to hate. I was just a kid. 

I am just a kid.. What do you want me to do? I am blessed. I have an amazing, hilarious, supportive family, who I would not trade for the world. My friends are phenomenal, and overall, the company of my life is rather tolerable. I have this God... A relationship with the Creator of the universe... But something isn't right. 

You see, I have this God. I have THE God. He's right here, in my heart, in my presence. He's revealing Himself to me constantly. My simple mind cannot fathom His love. I try so hard, but I've accepted the fact that it's nothing comparable to anything I may comprehend. God's message is love. He sent Jesus, and Jesus showed the world the love of God. As disciples of God, we, His children, are supposed to live in such a way that our actions overflow with the presence of God's love... But do they?

Maybe you can answer that question with a 'yes'. I hope you can. I know that when it comes to that question, I can easily say that is not the life I live. Am I proud of it? Of course not. 

I've fallen into conforming.. Unintentionally seeking the world's confirmation. Sticky consistency... A pattern is just so comfortable. But I have learned to accept the judgements that come against me, and have tried the best I can to eliminate constant judgements of my own. But where's the love? Where's the Christian kindness? So I am saved. I have my God. I know He loves and saves me. But do you? Have I purposely gone out of my way to ensure you have same kind of spiritual peace? What is the  point to my life if I live with only the intention to save my own life? All of these hearts I'm passing by. I'm watching them slip into the world.

Is that God's love?
Of course not. 
So I'm praying to God that I may open my eyes... That my heart will be softened. This life is not, nor will ever be about me. 
Praise God for the opportunity to love and to be loved. Let's embrace the gift He's bestowed upon us. 

God bless you. Love you :) 
1John 4:16

Sunday, October 14, 2012


Wait.. What?
No, stop. You have to stop this... You're missing the point. 
Can't you see?

I sat down, today. I opened my ears, I opened my heart, and here I stand.. Trying to comprehend this with an open mind. I'm trying so hard to understand. We discussed  a lot. There's this respect between you and I; an agreement to disagree. We can touch on a common base.. We're driven by another force. A higher power, and that's all we will say. 

But this is not okay. 
This can't be okay.

HOW? I sat as the words flowed over me. Like pouring water over a completely full sponge. I'm full. I thought you were too, but I watched the retention grow.. Now I just don't know. 

I'm going to tell you something.. I'm just trying to figure out how to go about it. 

There was a man. He was poor, and his life wasn't anything near what he deserved. He was made for a purpose... In every word, he spoke of a wisdom that could only be recognized if it was searched for. He hung on a cross, but he never committed a single crime. His hands were nailed into wood cut by his own people.. But in fact, they were never His people. He moved a stone. He rose up to a world we cannot fathom. He lived again. Again!! He LIVED. He lives.. 

So here you are. I'm sitting here, watching you neatly unfold your check-off list. You've worked so hard. You're great. So nice, caring, healthy. You have everything... Except for.. a lot. I just want to ask you a question.. Do you know what grace is?

Yes, of course. Grace is.. forgiveness. Is it? 

Do you want to know what I think grace is? I think grace is the darkest moment. All alone, curled up. Shattered-heart, and no words. The second you realize that you can't take anything back. You feel like the lowest of the low.. Recounting your mistakes, you can't believe you gave in again. Placing trust upon an unsteady foundation, you shattered without effort. Crumbling upon the world who finds it so  easy to disregard your broken heart. It's the feeling in your heart. All cried out, you find yourself in a peaceful solitude. Everything seems a little more clear. God is near. 

You're forgiven. Did you know that? There is nothing you have done that God hasn't already forgiven. There are things that you're going to do tomorrow, and God has already given you His mercy. You are saved. You have been saved.. Won't you just recognize it? You're making something so simple  so complex.. And I just don't understand it. 

God Loves You. You have been redeemed. Saved. You just have to acknowledge it. Will you please accept it? Just take it. Accept the gracious gift you've been given. I love you too much to let you live this way.. God has a greater purpose for you. 

He's opened the gate.. All you have to do now is run to Him. 

God Bless. :) 
Mark 8:36

Sunday, September 23, 2012

New Life; No worries

Everything needs to be so official. Wise words, a firm structure. I'm struggling lately, trying to find out who I am. No one mentioned how hard this was going to be..

A happy face. This isn't the place to breakdown. Strong words. You can only speak with complete certainty. With so much inconsistency, how can I be certain of anything? The list of guidelines continues to grow. I'm trying so hard to make the cut. I just want to be respected as an individual. I will not go so far as to change my moral mindset to get what I want, but I'm struggling to find the in-between. Is there an in-between?

I am young. I have my entire life ahead of me. There's so much potential, they keep telling me. As I get older, I am recognizing more and more negativity that somehow passed me by as a child. I never knew how much hate there was in the world. Innocent lives taken, accidents, nothing can truly be apprehended. God hit me hard. 

I can't say for certain where I was, or what exactly I was doing. What I know is that my entire mindset was shifted backwards completely. My heart began to ache for so many people.. It was like I gained this immense sense of sympathy in my soul. I didn't know.. I didn't recognize the impact of my words before. I didn't know she was listening to the words I spoke; I never knew she regarded me as some form of role-model. All I knew was that I was getting so tired of playing a role I was never made to be. I had worked so hard to create this person.. this girl who was tough, sarcastic, and rarely showed what she really felt. I strayed away from talking about God so openly- in attempt to avoid any conflict. She was fine. I was fine. I made a lot of friends, who all had differing beliefs. I worked hard to remain neutral. I knew God, in my heart. But I figured that was for my heart only. 

Something wasn't right. He knew it, too. God hit me hard. 

An epiphany hit me. My heart longed to read my bible.. I wanted to talk about some of the things I never really understood. It was a transformation I could have never foreseen. It was beautiful.. Like the words that I read were directed toward me personally. The Bible verse that stuck with me the most, in the beginning, was Matthew 6:34. No worries.. No worries? How do you take that? If someone would have come up to me during the earlier years of my life and told me not to worry, I would have assumed they were insane. It seemed nearly impossible to not worry. School, friends, all of the worries of a teenage mind.. and No worries? It stuck with me, though. I found a peace greater than just a worry-less mind. It was a worry-less soul. God hit me hard. 

I can explain the revival I went through. It was an intense passion that made my entire being ache for the presence of God. It made me question how it was so easy for me to breathe before knowing God so intimately.. How did I live so comfortably? The answer to that question is simple. I didn't. I was uncertain, broken, and so very lonely. 

God has brought me so many opportunities in my life. A Bible study at my school, an amazing youth group and church when I was growing up, and amazing group of people I would not trade the world for. I have grown up now (for the most part ;)) and my perspective on life has changed completely. I fear God instead of the stupid worries of this world. I have this confident hope that there is a greater place in which I will truly belong. I have placed my life and everything I am into Greater Hands. I know that with God things will not necessarily be easier, but they sure will be worth it. I live my life with a greater purpose, because I have realized this life isn't my own. There's this bigger picture, and it's beautiful. There's this greater love, and it never fails. I will not be abandoned. I am forgiven. 

So today, I will love. I will live in complete and utter awe toward the One and only God who Lives, Loves, forgives, and who saves. 

Awake, Alive, and Blessed. I have all I need.<3
Praise God, keeper of my heart. 
Psalm 27:4 :) 

Saturday, September 22, 2012


This has been on my heart lately..

We live in a chaotic world. Is there any other way to truly put it? This world.. is not a healthy place to live. God says that we, as His children, are fearfully and wonderfully made. Each of is unique in respect to the mind of the Creator. We each have a unique purpose..

If every one of us is made with our own uniqueness and speciality, why then do we judge others?
Take one second and think about it. How easy has it become for each of us to judge another person? Whether it is by occupation, lifestyle, appearance, etc. We judge people constantly. It seems almost impossible to not judge someone.

Why do we judge people? I think it's because we work so hard as individuals to create an image of who we want to be personally, and any other individual that does not measure up for the standards we've set for ourself fits perfectly to be judged. Is that fair to say? If you hate your haircut, will you not look at the hair of others and judge it based upon your ideal of 'good hair'? They same can be said for people. If you are not happy with your heart, or the place it is in, you will find yourself constantly judging other people and their own relationships with their hearts.

Matthew7:1-5 says: "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye', when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

So what does this mean to us? How can we accept other people for who they are?
The answer to this is: we can accept who other people are the moment we learn to accept who we are. 

How can you accept you for who you are?
The answer to this one is simple enough: We can accept who we are when we accept who God is and who we are through Him.

One last Bible verse I found to be extremely relevant to this topic is:

John8:14-18-"These claims are valid even though I make them about myself. For I know where I come from and where I am going, but you don't know this about me. You judge me by human standards, but I do not judge anyone. And if I did, my judgement would be correct in every respect because I am not alone. The Father who sent me is with me. Your own law says that id two people agree about something, their witness is accepted as a fact."

We need to determine whether or not we are judging people based upon our human standards, or if we are leaving the judgement up to God.

Every person has a heart. They have a soul, and God loves them. They were made fearfully and wonderfully. They have purpose. So any judgments against them should be reconsidered. We all sin the same. It is not a scale of better or worse. We are among our equals. We worship this amazing God who loves us past everything we are not. Why waste our time together by judgement?

Amen and God bless, brothers and sisters!
Peace be with you always. :)

Saturday, September 15, 2012


I'm falling.
I've hit the ground.
I just need to turn it all around.
Close my eyes,
Trust the Light.
I'm following,
Knees on the ground.
You help me turn my life around.
One direction,
I might fall once or twice.
But on the ground,
You'll find me there.
You're the Light.
I'll follow Your way.
Thank You.

Praise God. :)
Isaiah 25:9 <3

I Could Have Been One of Them; You are Holy.

Sometimes I try to imagine what it was like way back when.
I close my eyes and think about the way it was.
I see You around, and I don't know what to think.
They spit on You when You're on Your knees.
Suddenly, I am so sick.
My life is so sick.
They say Your name..
Telling me You can heal,
But I don't know.
They always gather around; surrounding mere fishing boats.
I gain some faith.
I just need to touch Your robe.
You'll heal me, I know.
I turn around..
My hands are stained by Christian blood.
I'm moving with the benefit of my own gain.
You find me.
Drop it all and follow Me, You say.
I do.
I trust You.
Part of the crowd, we're all surrounding You now.
You speak of seeds and farmers.
But what about God!
So now You've found me.
I am following You.
You tell me You must leave.
Why must You leave?
I'm following YOU!
But You'll return and be new.
I don't understand, but I trust.
Next thing you know, they hand me the money
I give them Your very own name.
You promised You'd leave me,
They promised wealth..
I gave in.
I led them up the hill.
Kissing Your cheek, I watch them arrest You
They take You away.
I taste the bread of Your body lingering on the edge of my tongue,
With the wine of Your blood.
I swore to You I'd stay with You until the end..
But the rooster crowed, and I lost my way.
It was me who spit on You as You dragged the wooden cross
On Your bare back.
Standing there, I found it to be my own voice shouting
'Crucify Him'.
And so they did.
But You rose.
Looking above my roman uniform, I finally recognized You, the Son.
I'm Mary.
Weeping for my Son.
The words stumble out of my mouth as I plead to
Properly bury You.
My Joseph hands carefully wrap Your earthly body.
It's Sunday, and You have risen.
I don't recognize You as You come back.
I fall to my knees at Your name, and I see Your face.
Now I'm imprisoned; writing so many letters.
You've called me to be here, to do this.
Defying the Roman rule.
I'm dreaming of the end.
White robes, trumpets, beasts, salvation.
I close my eyes. I see Your face. You hold my hand, and You take my apologies. You replace the sin with Grace. I give You my heart, and You take me home.

God Bless. :) 
Psalm 42:2 

Wednesday, September 12, 2012


When all else fails.. there's still God.

Cliche to say this? Maybe. But I believe it wholeheartedly. I know that I still have such a long way to go on my journey of life. There are a lot of things God still has for me that I have yet to meet. 

It hit me today as I was driving to school. A realization I've had a few times before. I was taking in all of the elements of the beautiful morning as I drove past people, places, and other fellow drivers. I realized that today is truly its own. Tomorrow will be much different, and the proceeding as well. It made me wonder how many times I simply let a day pass me by. God made each day unique.. Every day has a new purpose. This realization was not a sorrowful one, but instead a very insightful epiphany. 

We have the power to make an impression on the lives of people around us. God has given us the gift of speech.. of writing. There are so many outlets to which we can express the love of God. I was made to love in this day, for this day, and by this day. I'm embracing the gifts I have been given, and praising the Lord our God that there are so many positive things in this life. Times may be hard, and God knows we will struggle. There will be wars, political disputes, natural disasters, unexplained and undeserved murders, and so so many unkind actions. A lot of things don't make sense to us.. We progress through each day, and after something tragic occurs, we learn to pick ourselves up and let the wound scab over. But deep down, there's always a hole in our hearts full of spite for or against someone or something. Once we find God...... When we seek Him.... Can you even explain it to another person? The fire? The second you find yourself on your knees admitting everything you've never been able to accomplish. The lowest of lows. The top of humiliation. The moment you hate your heart, the words you've spoken, the mistakes you made. And suddenly, in the midst of the heavy storm of your absolute hopelessness, a wave of peace finds you. It's like you don't want to speak to anyone, because you feel so naive and peaceful. You just feel it. You understand; you realize how you've been forgiven. It's an immense relief, knowing what grace is.. I hope every person can experience this. God draws near to us, especially when we lose the motivation to move on a little further. 

So here we are, in this day.. This day we might unconsciously take for granted. Here we are, with a purpose burning in our hearts. Today is the day. God is moving. Revival is beginning. Praise our God on high for being everything we will never be. Holy is the Lord who has redeemed our lives; who gives us new lives, solely in the name of Love. 
God Bless. :) 


Monday, September 10, 2012

I'm Missing Something..

Moving around each day. Life moves on pretty fast.
We pass a lot of faces, everyday.
One person after another.
Disregard, we've all got somewhere we're going.
We're all going, somewhere.
Somewhere, each face is a person.
I did not mean to disregard,
I only intended to reach the place in which I
Was going.
I passed a lot of faces, today.
There wasn't much to say.
We all moved in one swift motion,
Passing each other by.
One face; Amazing Grace.
Did I recognize?
Or simply pass it by?
It was not my intention to disregard.
I'm only trying to make it, somewhere.
Moving around everyday.
Somewhere is coming fast.
We're all going,
But some of us are a little unaware.
With good intention, I'll take in the details
Of every passing face.
Because of Amazing grace,
We're all connected by heart.
We're all marching on,
To somewhere. <3

God Bless! :)
1John3:16 <3

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Who Am I?

It's a question that's been circling around in my head lately.. Who am I? It's one of those questions that go deeper than mere surface-level answers.. Sometimes I find that I don't ask myself this question enough..
So who am I? When asked this question, I created a small list of the person I believed myself to be.
I am a student. Unorganized, a procrastinator, and very precise. I am a lover of music, and the spring. I love blue, and to spend time with my friends..

I could go on.. I could. But at the end of this list, I've realized I've given no inclination of the person I am.. Because I am not my own. Who am I? Does it truly matter? I am part of a bigger picture. I am a branch on a tree that grows more everyday. It might sound so cliche.. But this is who I am. I am a broken girl. A sinner, who falls short.. A lot. I am a daughter of God. A person who loves people.. Most of the time. I make a lot of mistakes. I've said things I wish I could take back.

Who am I to God? I am His child. I am a person who for some reason, He sees some amount of significance in. He sent His only Son to die for me.. for my mistakes, for my flaws; my sins. I am so grateful to Him. I pray that the Lord will open my eyes to see the world the way that He does. To love the way He does. Because in the end, it doesn't really matter who it is that I am. It only matters who He is, and that I accept the fact that He can do so many better things with my life than I can.

Thank you, Lord.
2 Corinthians 3:17

God Bless! :)

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

The Good News

>You know the truth.. so now act on it!
["Changing direction in life is not tragic.. Losing passion is."]- Max Lucado
  You know the Truth:

  • Don't be selfish with God's Word. Let it spread like a wild-fire, consuming anything and everything in its path. Keep the flame burning.
    • Isaiah 42:20- You see and recognize what is right, but you refuse to act on it. You hear with your ears, but you don't really listen.
  • God knows you. He has a time for you, and a purpose. God wants you to seek Him. He wants you to deliver His Word to those who need it. Very seldom does God ask you to do this solely with words. In fact, He never asked you to say anything. God's strengthening you to complete His Will. Do not resist. You've already been saved. You cannot lose the Salvation already given to you through Christ.
    • Exodus 18:19- Now listen to me, and let me give you a word of advice, and may God be with you. You should continue to be the people's representation before God, bringing their disputes to Him.
(You know the power and the joy of God's amazing Grace.. Don't you want others to find it; to feel it?)

  • Pray to the Lord. He's given you your own unique way to spread His Word. Listen for Him, and He will speak to you.
    • Joshua 5:14- I am the commander of the Lord's army.. I am at your control, what do you want your servant to do?
  • You've been equipped by God for a purpose. He's given you initiative. He's led you along the way. He remains always. Now all you have to do is take it in. Accept it, live for it, and let Him in. He will never fail you.. Ever. Let go of your life; hold on to Him.
    • Romans 9:11-12- But before they were born, before they had done anything good or bad, she received a message from God. (This message shows that God chooses his people according to his own purposes; he calls people, but not according to their good or bad work.)
God's set you apart as something special.. He has a plan for you. Now all you have to do is trust Him.. Are you ready?

Christianity (:

Christianity is a lot like a tree. We, as Christians, are the branches. We're all stretched out trying to touch the sky. Much like branches on a tree, each of our lives correlate and touch with those of others. The way that we move and the path that we choose to take affects others on the same branch as us. We're all reaching out because all that we want is to truly touch the sky. What I believe is that because of Grace, we don't have to worry about reaching the sky. The sky is reaching out closer and closer to touch us. We don't realize that God's made everything work so that our branches can each group separately together. And if God is the trunk, the stable foundation holding us up from below and the sky, pulling us up so that we can stand tall without hesitation, what could ever be against? With God, we can do all things. He is our fortress, He is our heart, He is our Savior. We need to focus our eyes on Him and seek His will in all that we do.

God is good all the time and all the time, God is good.
He's speaking, you've just got to be listening. <3

Philippians 4:13
God Bless! :) 

I need You.

The solution I'm so desperately searching for is right in front of me.
It's where it's always been and will always remain.
I know the truth of it all; in my heart.
But still, I hesitate to run to it.
What's holding me back, now?
I want nothing more than to find some peace
For my restless soul that's screaming out to me!
Take my hand
I'll take Your Word.
Illuminate my steps.
I'll follow Your way.
Lead me in the right direction,
I won't stop until I'm on my knees.
Bowing in Your glory.
I'm broken, you know.
I don't know how I'll ever get back,
Or if that was even the place for me.
All I can see right now is You.
I can't trust anything else.
The world has become so dark,
Yet your light still manages to illuminate the crowd.
Right now, You are all I know.
You are the only sense in this senseless world.
I don't know where I'm going,
Or how exactly I will get there.
But I'll take your hand and pray.
Please stay by my side.
Never keep me out of Your sight.
For You have permanently opened my eyes,
And now all I can see is You.
I will never leave, my Father.
Oh King of the world.
Please, I pray,
Do not abandon me.
You are the strength of my life.
The Light of the world.

John 11:22

God is Near

A passing face.
And I can see Your grace.
A shout in the crowd,
I'm listening for it now.
A touch of the fire
Ignites my heart.
And I won't stand still.
You won't let me go.
It's now I recognize
Your passing face.
Your amazing grace.
I shout through the crowd.
Please Lord, hear me now.
You are everything I know.
You are the all-consuming fire
Taking place within my soul.

Matthew 6:34

Here it is.. My first post! This is weird, right? I mean, how many teenagers do you know who blog? Okay.. Maybe you know many! I am so very new at this, so you will have to forgive my extreme naiveness concerning this technological world. I guess I could start this off by telling about myself, so here goes nothing..

I was raised by a family of Christians. My mom, a devout Christian along with my father and grandparents. My childhood consisted of kool-aide and cookies on Sunday to Bible stories cross-words. I loved it from the beginning. I've grown up living in a place where some of the standard 'norms' can be extremely oppressive. *I must preface anything I might say in this blog by saying, I do not mean to speak poorly or put down anyone. These are merely my own perspectives/perceptions.* Growing up, I found that my religion.. (I don't like that word).. relationship with Christ.. has been tested tremendously. I must give so much credit of my steady faith to the support of my parents and of course, my amazing Savior.

I guess my main goal is to use this blog mainly as.. not a diary, but more of a place where I can discuss the things that weigh down upon me in certain points of my life. Maybe I'll get to the point where other Christian bloggers will find my blog and understand where I am coming from; they will relate. And maybe this blog will remain unexposed and just a place where I can simply.. write out the things I cannot comprehend fully, so that I can see things from a different perspective. The way God intends me to see them. I worry all the time about so many things. I try to take control of things I never had the intention of taking direction of. I fail everytime. I keep forgetting that God is with me always and that I cannot do any of this alone because I am not supposed to. This life wasn't meant for me to live alone. So I will not worry, because today has what it needs, and God is storing up everything I will need tomorrow. He has my heart, I will give him the burden I cannot carry on my own. Praise our God! The One who is, who was, and who is yet to come. <3

Thank you for visiting. :)
God Bless
John 8:32