There's not really a point in your life where someone instructs exactly how to carry out the rest of your life. It's like your entire life you're raised in this safe haven; there's this immense sense of protection. All of the sudden, someone pushes you out of the nest. Now what?
Everything is turned upside down. People are trusting me with these... emotions.. These secrets and truths that I feel nowhere near old enough, let alone strong enough to carry. It is simply not a matter of maturity, but rather a concept I never prepared my mind to accept. I guess it escaped my childish eyes, passed me by. I didn't know how much hate there was. I didn't know that people hated to love, and loved to hate. I was just a kid.
I am just a kid.. What do you want me to do? I am blessed. I have an amazing, hilarious, supportive family, who I would not trade for the world. My friends are phenomenal, and overall, the company of my life is rather tolerable. I have this God... A relationship with the Creator of the universe... But something isn't right.
You see, I have this God. I have THE God. He's right here, in my heart, in my presence. He's revealing Himself to me constantly. My simple mind cannot fathom His love. I try so hard, but I've accepted the fact that it's nothing comparable to anything I may comprehend. God's message is love. He sent Jesus, and Jesus showed the world the love of God. As disciples of God, we, His children, are supposed to live in such a way that our actions overflow with the presence of God's love... But do they?
Maybe you can answer that question with a 'yes'. I hope you can. I know that when it comes to that question, I can easily say that is not the life I live. Am I proud of it? Of course not.
I've fallen into conforming.. Unintentionally seeking the world's confirmation. Sticky consistency... A pattern is just so comfortable. But I have learned to accept the judgements that come against me, and have tried the best I can to eliminate constant judgements of my own. But where's the love? Where's the Christian kindness? So I am saved. I have my God. I know He loves and saves me. But do you? Have I purposely gone out of my way to ensure you have same kind of spiritual peace? What is the point to my life if I live with only the intention to save my own life? All of these hearts I'm passing by. I'm watching them slip into the world.
Is that God's love?
Of course not.
So I'm praying to God that I may open my eyes... That my heart will be softened. This life is not, nor will ever be about me.
Praise God for the opportunity to love and to be loved. Let's embrace the gift He's bestowed upon us.
God bless you. Love you :)